Who are you? Who are you really?

When you’re a child, many times you’re told who you should be or who you shouldn’t be. Be strong, don’t be weak. Be tough, don’t be a cry baby. Be quiet, don’t be loud. Be aggressive, don’t be shy. Fight, don’t walk away.

You hear these things all the time growing up and can feel pulled in different directions. You want to fit in. You want people to like you, and you found out, maybe even the hard way, what it feels like to go against the crowd, against what other people think and how others feel you should be.

You feel pulled, because you want to be you. You want to be like, appreciated, and accepted for you…yet you don’t want to be made fun of, bullied, or an outcast for being you. You want permission to show up as you…whoever that is. Yet that’s often not the case. SHARE THIS!

Hurt people hurt people. On the playground the bullies hurt other kids, because they are hurting. Maybe they don’t have a voice, get abused, or feel powerless at home. So in order to feel important, they bully others. They are also just trying to belong even though they are not going about it in a good way. They too feel pulled and are fighting against the things they hear…Be this way. Don’t be that way.

Moonlight, the 2017 Academy Awards for Best, depicts this well. The pain. The shame. The hurt of growing up. Of being picked on. Of the pressure to pick on others. Of not fitting in or not belongings. Of trying to find your way when you’re pulled in different directions.

In the movie, as a young kid, Chiron is seen as weak and gets picked on. His mom is a drug addict, and he gets befriended by a guy, unbeknownst to him a drug dealer who happens to deal to his mom. He continually fights against the world of drugs and the bullies at school. He becomes the adult to his mom often caring for her and giving her money (she bullies him into it).

As he grows up, he continues to get bullied and lets it happen. He begins to stick up for himself, and then gets bullied for sticking up for himself. When he decides to fight back, he gets arrested.
He tries so hard to fight against the world he’s growing up in and then he gives in and becomes that world. As a young adult, he is a drug dealer…the very thing he fought so hard against.

I mention this movie, because it reiterates what most people do…you either fight, fight, fight against others’ perceptions of you (I’m going to prove them wrong) or you give in and become what others think. Very rarely do people have it in them to be who they are and leave others’ perspectives alone.

For instance, if someone says you won’t amount to anything. You’ll either fight against that and get straight A’s and become a doctor (to prove them wrong) or you’ll do exactly that and feel that you didn’t amount to anything. It either fuels you or you buy into it as the truth. TWEET THIS!

Very few people will take their own path and do as they choose and not think about “you won’t amount to anything” ever again.

Who have you become? Are you the “you” that you want to be or are you the “you” based on what someone else said? Did you give in and believe what someone else said as truth? Or did you fight so hard against it to prove them wrong?

Are you stuck with being someone you don’t like or don’t recognize?

It’s never too late to change who you are. It’s never too late to become the you that you want to be. It’s your life. Only you can decide who you want to be, and only you have the power to change it. Make no mistake. YOU DO have the power to change it. SHARE THIS!

Who do you want to be? What will you do to become that person? Don’t allow anyone in your past or present to determine who you are now or in the future. You have control over you, and now is your time to become the person you want. It starts with figuring out who that person is. Who do you want to be? What will it take to become him? Don’t live another day being anyone but you. Do one thing today to become a better, more authentic you.

We want to hear from you. In the comments below, share with us who you are and who you want to be.


Jessica Rector’s mission is simple: transform the lives of men. As someone who attempted suicide at 17-years-old, had a lot of self-judgement around being a single parent, and has a brother who committed suicide, Jessica knows challenges, issues, and pain. She knows personally how shame can manifest in parenting, relationships, leading, working, and living. Through her own experiences, research, and strategies, she now helps men walk through the process to free themselves from their inner struggles. As a thought leader, keynote speaker, and author of two books, Jessica is able to help men become who they are while stepping into their power by becoming a better badass version of themselves. Get Jessica’s soon to be released third book, Breaking the Silence: Taking the Sh out of Shame and follow her on Facebook by CLICKING HERE. Connect with her and join her tribe for men at THIS MAN THING FACEBOOK GROUP.


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